


fragments of a flatting situation

by wombatpop



Series: cold and dead [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Established Relationship, F/M, Human/Vampire Relationship, Interviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wombatpop/pseuds/wombatpop
Summary: A collection of notes and recorded conversations from the crew of ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, the New Zealand Documentary Board’s latest film involving the vampire community of Wellington.





	1. Chapter 1

[Viago, foyer] “Hello everyone! My name is Viago. I live here in Wellington with my friends, Vladislav, Deacon and Petyr. We are vampires.”

 

[Viago, sitting room] “I personally like living with other vampires. I enjoy the company. Obviously it’s pretty hard to have friends that aren’t vampires, so, it’s good to have some connection to other vampires. And it’s just more practical.”

[Deacon, sitting room] “Petyr and I came to New Zealand together. We found Vladislav and Viago through the vampire community, and decided to live together.”

[Vladislav, sitting room] “We didn’t all come to New Zealand together, we haven’t all known each other for five hundred years, but we found each other and we are all good friends. Flatting together, it works well for us, even if there is tension.”

[Deacon, sitting room] “Viago nags and nags. He’s so fussy, it’s really annoying. He acts like he’s the ruler of the household.  
[Crew: What about Vladislav, does he have any habits that irritate you?]  
Vlad… No, he’s pretty great.”   
[Petyr nods]

-

[Deacon, sitting room] “The vampire community is great, we go to the Big Kumara and see other vampires all the time. Vampires have great social lives. We go out a lot, partying, eating, seeing other vampires. Apart from vampires, I have a human servant, and Vladislav has a human girlfriend.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “At first I brought her to the house, to eat her. But then, we got talking and, I got to know her. We starting spending some more time together and it just kept going from there.”

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “Yeah, I mean, obviously it’s pretty different to being in a relationship with a human, dating a vampire. All of your dates are at night, for one thing. But really it’s not too different. I mean, every human is different, and you can get used to that. So, you just get used to it.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “There was a few issues at first. She took some time to warm up to the idea of me being a vampire. She didn’t know at first. So when I told her, she took some time to adjust to that.”

[Vlaidslav’s partner, apartment] “It was hard to get used to the idea of being with someone who drinks human blood, it was. But I just thought about it like, and this sound so ridiculous but bear with me, there are people who are vegetarian who date people who eat meat. So I guess it’s like that. It sounds silly but seriously, once you take the first step of accepting that being a vampire doesn’t make someone a bad person, it’s actually not as difficult as you might think it is to take the rest of the steps towards being, you know, pretty okay with it. That sounds terrible but, yeah, it’s true.  
[Crew: Have you ever seen him eat?]  
No, I’ve never seen him eat. I don’t think I’ll ever be quite that accepting.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “Viago and Deacon have been great. They had some concerns, but they were reasonable, they just didn’t want for her or me to be in danger. With humans there is a tendency to die. Which, as an immortal, does put you off a bit. Once things started getting more serious, then they supported me.”

[Viago, sitting room] “Bringing humans into the house is usually a big no-no in the vampire world, but, she’s great, really nice and they make each other happy so, how can you say no to that? Deacon wasn’t so keen but I don’t really see a problem.”

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “Yeah, meeting Vladislav’s friends was an experience. I never really spoke to any of them before Vladislav told me he was a vampire, so, after that, I came to the house and was properly introduced, I guess. Viago is so nice; he was always very friendly to me. Wanted to make sure I was comfortable, you know? Deacon, yeah, Deacon’s great. He’s very funny. A bit of an acquired taste, maybe? (laughs) He just doesn’t really have a filter. But he’s a great guy.”


	2. Chapter 2

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “I think the household functions remarkably well considering it’s just four vampires living together. There’s Jackie of course, she helps out a lot, I don’t think that they’d be able to get by without her. She helps out around the house. I think it’s Deacon who employs her, not all of them, but she helps out with the whole household basically.”

[Viago, kitchen] “This is the dishwasher. We got this off of ebay, and it’s amazing. It just washes the dishes like magic, bam look at that, clean as a whistle. So now there’s no more arguing over who’s turn is it to do the dishes, and the kitchen stays a lot cleaner. Amazing.”

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “I mean, they didn’t have any modern technology, really, they couldn’t do their own chores because they didn’t have any way to wash their clothes and stuff like that.  
I didn’t actually have to do a lot of work, When I started telling them what the modern world was actually like, they wanted to join that. So I thought, great! No, I think it was Jackie that did most of the work. She met the electrician and all that. Which was really great, I wasn’t really involved in that.”

[Deacon’s familiar, car] “When Vladislav started dating a human it was a real sort of shock. I never really saw Vladislav as the sort of vampire who would do that. But she’s lovely and I think Deacon and his friends have really benefitted from a different point of view. And I think it’s great that they’re modernising a bit. If they can do their own laundry and dishes it’s a little less on my to do list, that’s for sure!”


	3. Chapter 3

2 MONTHS LATER

[Vladislav’s partner, hallway] “When I asked the guys if they wanted to get into more modern clothing I didn’t really expect Deacon to want a mesh tank top with his leather pants, but, it’s not actually a terrible look, if I’m being honest. Don’t tell Vlad though, he might get one too.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “She liked Deacon’s see-through shirt?  
Hmm. Very interesting.”

[Vladislav’s partner, sitting room] “Petyr and I have never really gotten on, to be honest. I think he’s a bit stand-offish in general but yeah, there’s always been a bit of tension between us. I don’t think Petyr approves of Vlad and I. And the whole turning Nick into a vampire thing, pretty upsetting, to be honest. Obviously, Nick didn’t want to be a vampire before he was turned. But Nick seems like he’s handling it, you know. He doesn’t seem to feel like his life has ended, even though, it sort of has. Technically.”

[Viago, hallway] “We’ve all got an agreement that we don’t eat human friends. Petyr is included in that, he knows the rules.”

[Nick, living room] “I think it was pretty weird to me, at first, that a vampire and a human could be… together. Like, as a vampire, I’m dead so, that’s sort of made dating, relationships pretty hard. But it seems to work for them, so, that’s great.  
I mean, I guess it’s like, me and my human mates. I won’t eat them, cos we’re mates, even though I want to. So I suppose Vladislav doesn’t eat her, cos she’s his girlfriend.”


	4. Chapter 4

[Deacon, sitting room] “When you become a vampire you get all kinds of abilities. You can fly. You can transform, hypnotise people. You have fangs, sharp teeth. [gestures to mouth] Very useful for biting into human necks and sucking out all of the blood in their bodies.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “I enjoy using the abilities I have as a vampire. They are very useful, flying, hypnotising. Very helpful.  
[Crew: Have you told your partner about vampire abilities?]  
Only some. It’s a little complicated.”

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “I wouldn’t say I’m particularly knowledgeable about vampires. I know vampires are pretty much allergic to silver and crucifixes, don’t have reflections, have fangs, super fast and all that stuff you’d probably think of. They can also fly, which I didn’t know, and transform. I think that’s pretty much it.  
I did once ask Vladislav if it was possible for him to carry other people while he was flying, like superman. I ended up kind of regretting that question because that led to Stu showing them the superman films and now he wants to pick me up all the time so we can kiss like Lois and Clark.  
[Crew: You haven’t ever felt in danger because of Vladislav’s abilities, in different situations?]  
I know what you’re trying to ask very delicately and, yeah, I don’t really want to talk about that on camera. But I will say that Vladislav, while undoubtedly a pretty intense kind of guy, he’s also thoughtful and funny, and he’s never tried to hurt me. I know that’s one of the things that humans probably are worried about with relationship like this but he’s always very conscious of his ability to hurt me and, yeah, is in control of that. He was born in a different time, and I think he’s a different person to the one he was when he first became a vampire.”

[Vladislav, bedroom] “I did tell her about my past because I felt like if I didn’t, it would be misleading. I would be misleading her.  
[Crew: Is it not misleading to not inform her about all of your abilities?]  
…Hmm.”

[Vladislav’s partner, apartment] “[Crew: Is eating cheating?] No, I don’t think so. If cheating is about your partner doing something with someone else that they agreed they would only do with you, then no. Vladislav doesn’t eat me, so eating someone else is not cheating.  
[Crew: Have you ever thought about being turned into a vampire?]

Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

[Vladislav, sitting room] “The Unholy Masquerade of course is a great time for the undead community of Wellington. There are zombies there, vampires, banshees, all having a dance together. It’s always a big deal for me. Love it.”  
[Crew: Could you show us some of the masks you’ve previously worn to the Unholy Masquerade?]  
[Vladislav] “Sure. I actually have quite an extensive collection of masks.”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Really? Bring them out, I want to see them!”  
[Vladislav] “I have many different masks, some very old. [takes out various masks and shows to partner and crew]”  
[Crew: Could you maybe model some of your masks for us?]  
[Vladislav] “Oh, I don’t know…”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Come on, you can’t not model these masks.”  
[Vladislav] “Alright, give me that one.” [holds mask 1 to face and poses]  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Wow, you’re a natural.”  
[Vladislav] “Really?”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Yeah!”  
[Vladislav] “Give me another one.” [holds mask 2 to face and dances]  
[Vladislav’s partner] (laughs)  
[Vladislav] “You’ll like this one. This one is Venetian, hand crafted.” [takes out mask 3]  
[Vladislav’s partner] “When did you get this?”  
[Vladislav] “Maybe, sixteenth century? I don’t remember. It’s a ladies’ mask.”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “It’s gorgeous. Here.”  
[Vladislav] [takes mask 3 and poses femininely]  
[Vladislav’s partner] “A jewel of the theatre is lost in you, my darling.”  
[Vladislav] “Don’t mock me!”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Oh my god, what is this?”  
[Vladislav] “It’s a dragon head.”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “You said that like everyone has a dragon head.”  
[Vladislav] “Does not everybody own dragon head?”  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Well go on then, pose.”  
[Vladislav] [imitates a roar]  
[Vladislav’s partner] “Yeah, well done.”

[Vladislav] “Of course I am a little concerned. Tonight is the first night I will be at a, uh, community gathering after starting to date a human. The vampire community of Wellington, they’re not so open to humans as you might think. There were rumours of course. We don’t really know how to deal with that yet. Hopefully it can be resolved and she and I can live our lives together.”

[Deacon, Cathedral of Despair] “So, here we are at the Unholy Masquerade”  
[Vladislav] “Yes we’ve got everyone here-“  
[Vampire 1] “Vladislav!”  
[Viago] “Oh no.”  
[Vampire 1] “Vladislav, I heard you’ve started stepping out with a human, is that true?”  
[Deacon, to camera] “Vladislav and him have had a run in before.”  
[Vladislav] “What are you talking about?”  
[Vampire 1] “Is it true?”  
[Vladislav] “…”  
[Vampire 1] “It is true!”  
[Vladislav] “Well I don’t-“  
[Vampire 1] “It is true!”  
[Vladislav] “I won’t say it’s not true.”  
[Vampire 1] “From feared tyrant to this! You’ve really fallen haven’t you? (laughs)”  
[Vladislav] “I don’t know what you mean by that.”  
[Deacon] “Just leave it, Vladislav, just leave it.”  
[Vampire 1] “Don’t worry Deacon, he won’t do anything.”  
[Vladislav] “Won’t I?”  
[Vampire 1] “Why don’t you bring your human girlfriend in here? I’d like to meet her. Meet the person who brought Vladislav the Poker to his knees, eh?”  
[Vladislav] [holds vampire 1 by the collar] “Never speak about me or my girlfriend in that manner again.”  
[Vampire 1] [goes to speak]  
[Vladislav] [throws vampire 1 to the ground]  
[Viago] “Vladislav, Deacon, we have to go. We have to get Stu out of here.”  
[Deacon] “Stu’s here?”  
[Vladislav] “Why is Stu here?”  
[Deacon] “This is an undead party.”  
[Viago] “Yeah. We know.”


	6. Chapter 6

[Vladislav’s partner, phone] “So what you’re saying is, after Nick took Stu to an undead party, and he murdered another vampire, and was then killed by werewolves, he wasn’t. And he is now a werewolf and he and all of his werewolf mates are in your living room right now?”  
[Vladislav, hallway] “Yes.”  
[Vladislav’s partner, phone] “I’ll come over.”

[Vladislav’s partner, sitting room] “I really could not be happier that Stu is back. It was terrible, terrible when he was gone. And now there’s a few more blushing faces in this vampires’ den!”  
[Stu] “Yeah-”  
[Anton] “Too right! (laughs)”


End file.
